You Can't Fight It, Only Ride It

There comes a point in each person’s life when the topic of patience seems to be an issue. Sometimes we don’t have enough patience and demand our way, plan, agenda, and so forth to the point of really upsetting people. Then sometimes we are too patient and end up letting other people control our emotions, decision making, and thought processes because we don’t think we’re extending enough patience. Either way, we are not patient enough to the point of rushing people, or we are too patient to the point of being taken advantage of. I think I have heavily experienced both. Where is the middle ground?
At times it is really important to act quickly and be impatient. For example, if your house caught on fire in the middle of the night you probably wouldn’t dilly-dally around and try to sleep for a few more hours. If you tried that you would most likely die; a big consequence for not acting quickly enough. People would not be mad at you for trying to get them out of the house; they wouldn’t accuse you of being impatient.
Then at other times, it is really important to be patient and move slowly. Let’s say you were building a house, and someone was trying to get you to by-pass pouring the foundation because it would add an extra week onto the housing project. “Oh it doesn’t matter; no one will ever see the foundation anyways.” Wrong. You can’t build a solid house without a foundation, and this is something that should be done correctly. You can’t skip the steps and expect it to be complete. For completeness to occur or for a house to be correctly built for the purposes intended, there is patience involved; missing something as important as the foundation would cause the whole project to be useless. Thus, patience is important here.

So why is this applicable to our daily lives you might ask? Well, there are times when we need to be both patient and impatient. I am sure you know this. Discernment and faith are the keys to understanding when these times are. I think God takes us through certain situations and extends our patience or impatience for a reason; even if it was something that we didn’t necessarily “see” or intend for. The thing that you wait for or hope to receive at the end is something completely different than what you would have ever expected. As Carrie Underwood puts it, “Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were, Lessons learned.” There is a point and purpose to every situation and difficult season that you go through. And sometimes you need to be patient through those times in the desert to really understand, feel, and truly be able to directly pin-point the lessons God has wanted you to learn. You can’t speed this up or slow this down.

Without taking the time, the risk, and being faithful and obedient, you wouldn’t understand the depths of the lesson. Just because we do the right thing and feel like we are going exactly where God wants us to go, it doesn’t mean he won't break you or is going to automatically give you what you think. But, he will give you something that is much more eternal and everlasting than anything on this earth; more of Him. You can’t skip the tears, the heart-ache, the pain, or the intended purpose. You can’t by-pass the time it takes to get to this location; it would be like trying to drive to China from the US in 45 minutes give or take some traffic. It doesn’t happen.   Sometimes it even takes time to be released from feelings and plans and no other person can say or do anything to speed this up. Most likely, people won’t understand this and will expect you to get over things as fast as they did or to move on from certain situations because it’s logical. But you can’t move on or be released because God hasn’t given you that freedom yet. He still has more to teach you no matter what other people do or think.  You have to accept the process; it's not a bad thing.
The point of all of this is even if you look back and feel like you have wasted a lot of time on situations that didn’t necessarily pan out exactly how you would have wanted, you did get something out of it. You never waste time by loving people, stripping yourselves of the nasty habits and thought processes, and walking step by step with God in the midst of a dry season. At the end of that path however, it is not a promised thing that the destination will not cause you more pain or throw you for a loop. However, it is a promised thing that there is a new destination and a completely new uncharted path. The same things don’t work anymore, and you’re ready to leave the nest and start a new beginning. There is no point in having regret or wishing you would have done things better. What’s done is done and as Jesus says, “It is finished.”

No matter where you’re at or what you’re going through, Jesus is your constant. As a friend described to me recently, “walking with Jesus is like surfing.” The waves come and go, sometimes you ride them and sometimes you let them pass you by. No matter what, those waves still come and you make the choice as to what to do with them. Sometimes you can’t pass them by, and sometimes you don’t catch the ones that are promising. Sometimes the current snatches you for a bit and you almost drown, and sometimes you have the most epic ride of your life. Regardless, He is our ocean. For that reason, we can trust and feel confident that he has it under control. The ocean is a little bit stronger than our measly bodies. We can’t fight it, only ride it!
Carrie Underwood-"Lessons Learned"

Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven

“He brought me to the poor to learn. The poor made me rich; in so many ways they were my mentors in the things of the Spirit”—Heidi Baker, Compelled by Love

I wish I was content. I wish I was satisfied. I wish I didn’t have to wait for things. I wish I could wake up every morning and be excited about the day. I wish I was filled with ridiculous amounts of joy every single moment of every single hour. This seems like such a foreign concept, and after almost two years of frustration after frustration, I am still not satisfied with this world. I get upset, I get irritated, I get tired…I get hopeful, I get crushed, I get confused. I have moments of happiness and joy, but nothing that surpasses all difficulty and truly makes me enjoy everything in my life. This is ridiculous though, I should be thanking God that I have food, shelter, wonderful friends and family, and everything that I could ever ask for. I have so much to be grateful for, why I am still not content?

Honestly, sometimes I wish I had absolutely nothing. I wish I had to survive each day waiting on God to provide. I wish I didn’t have so many options to fake satisfy myself….I get so distracted. It is said that is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven than a poor man. I completely believe it. The poor have nothing but God to rely on, they don’t have to sift through a variety of options, people, and things to know what is important and what truth is. Interestingly enough, my generation is called the “shopping cart generation.” We pick and choose; put back what we don’t want after testing it out. We are used to instant gratification, and we are used to throwing away the stuff that doesn’t please us or gratify us. The poor don’t have these options, in this way they are lucky.

Options are great until they begin to master you. They control your thoughts, and flood your decision making with confusion. They take hours, weeks, months, and even years out of precious time in your lives. But what happens when you have already exhausted all of your options? You are left empty or re-emptied. In this way, because the poor do not have as many options, they don’t have as many distractions in accepting the love of Christ. They don’t need to look at anything but their creator to satisfy, because they know they have nothing else. The rich go through the excruciating long process of realizing they have no options but Him, after going through many of the “fake options.”

I am by no means saying that the poor don’t have it rough; I don’t envy the diseased, orphaned, and dying of Africa in a physical sense. However, I do envy them on a spiritual level. They can say “Jesus I want more of you” and truly mean it to its fullest because they have nothing else. I want nothing else but Jesus, why has it taken me so long to get to this point? Nothing at all matters and I count everything at a loss in comparison to serving our Lord. I am poor in spirit and I need his fulfillment on a minutely basis. Although my troubles and questions have not disappeared, the Lord still stands and his greatness is still the same; yet it has been magnified in my eyes. Nothing I can do, nothing I can say, nothing I can even think will ever change him because he is unchangeable. He is so great that even though my circumstances rock my world, they don’t rock his. His very breath could discombobulate the limbs on my body or sink this continent in .00000000037830 seconds. How amazing is that?

Pretty much, I would like to live out of backpack and spend my days in the enjoyment of His creation and in the dependence of His portion. Literally, I am sick of stuff and things and temporary highs that lead to disappointment. I hate to say it, but I truly think like a radical person; radical in the sense that I want all or none of Jesus. “None” doesn’t seem to be the answer because He has had a beckoning call on my life since I was seven, and He always seems to draw me back. How do I not run or hide from His embrace? How do I avoid the distracting options? I think it would be easier if I had no other option.

Praise His name and Praise His greatness. He is the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Amazingly enough, He is my very own Father.

Take it All

All the promises I've broken,
All the times I've let You down,
You forgot them, but still I hold on to the pain that makes me drown,
But now I'm ready to let it go, to give it away.

Take it all,
Cause I can't take it any longer,
All I have, I can't make it on my own,
Take the first, take the last,
Take the good and take the rest

Here I am, all I have,
Take it all.

And all the roads that lie before me,
All the struggles I go through,
Give me a?secondary? reminder that it all belongs to You,
Now I'm ready to let it go, to give it away.

Take it all,
Cause I can't take it any longer,
All I have, I can't make it on my own,
Take the first, take the last,
Take the good and take the rest
Here I am, all I have,
Take it all.

And ever since I died to myself,
You gave a better life to me,
I give You my finest moment,
I give You the last breath I breathe.

Take it all,
Cause I can't take it any longer,
All I have, I can't make it on my own,
Take the first, take the last,
Take the good and take the rest,

Take it all,
Cause I can'y take it any longer,
All I have, I can't take it on my own,
Take the first, take the last,
Take the good and take the rest,

Here I am, all I have,
Take it all.

Kutless--Everything I Need

Listen Now!

When every step is so hard to take
And all of my hope is fading away
When life is a mountain that I can not climb
You carry me, Jesus carry me.

You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in me time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

When every moment is more than I can take
And all of my strength is slipping away
When every breath gets harder me
You carry me, Jesus carry me

You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in me time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

I need You
You are everything I need
I love everything about You

You Are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in me time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need

Purpose Fixation: How Not to Fail

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

--Hebrews 12:2--

Starting and finishing things can be fairly complicated at times. As a self proclaimed perfectionist in SOME things, I get upset at myself if I don’t finish what I start. I make myself feel guilty when I don’t work as hard as I can, or deep clean as much as I want to. I stress myself out about things that really don’t matter or change my life in a current, impactful way. I put BIG things off and procrastinate so I can do them properly….or not at all. Sometimes I have really great ideas, but I don’t get them going. This does not make me feel good. How can this be changed?!

This last October, I decided I was going to read through the entire Bible. I had set this goal in the past, and gotten about as far as the middle of Exodus. The Old Testament specifically can be torturing to get through if you are just reading for the sake of reading; Leviticus and Numbers are not the most thrilling. Anyways, before starting this little journey, I decided I wasn’t going to fail.

How do you not fail?

One. Not failing starts with making a commitment to not fail. That means, when you don’t feel like doing what you supposed to do, or want to sway back and forth about the option of starting and finishing something, you say “no.” You stick to your “visionary” plan and allow yourself to reach your goal, step by step and day by day. It is amazing how much of this we can control.

Two. Not failing means staying away from “self fulfilling prophecies” about failing. When you listen to yourself and your doubts about failure, they shape the future. We wonder why we make the same mistakes over and over again; probably because we are coaching ourselves to make the same mistakes. We aren’t changing anything about our approach. As Albert Einstein says, “Insanity: (is) doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Three. Not failing is accepting change. There are some days when I don’t have time to read my Bible, or feel like I should be reading something else. This is okay. Being religious makes you feel bad about this; being in relationship with God makes you feel loved despite how much you read your Bible. There is not just one method of completion.

Four. Not failing means having mercy on yourself and others. Being open to the spirits leading requires you to be open, love people, and change what you feel like doing. It doesn’t mean you are any farther away from the intended purpose; you are just walking along a different path which goes to the same destination. Don’t get mad at yourself or others for wanting to take a different path or go through a season a little differently. All things are working for the good of his purpose.

Five. Not failing emphasizes extreme FOCUS. When you keep your eye on the prize, you naturally begin to move towards the goal. The winner of the race is the one who stays fixed on the finish line, despite the physical pain and mental gymnastics. Have you ever noticed that the first mile of a run is the hardest? When you set a goal to run 5 miles and refuse to stop when you feel like stopping, after about a mile endorphins kick in and you can cruise. It feels great. But think about what happens when you focus on how little you have run during the first mile, and how much pain you’re in? If you stop you get discouraged; if you push through you are victorious.

Blah, blah, blah…This has to do with my Bible reading escapades because I’m not done reading yet. Right now I’m in 2nd Samuel, learning about David and how he was such a man after God’s own heart. It’s encouraging, and I love where I’m at right now. I may not be even close to finishing the entire Bible, but I have quite a BIG chunk out of the way, and after getting through the “drier” parts (which a majority talked about desert wanderings), I am really excited about what I am reading. And It’s only picking up pace. The New Testament will be a breeze.

The big message in this is if I would have stopped reading in the middle of Leviticus and given up during the endless explanations of how to build the tabernacle, I wouldn’t be as far in the Bible as I am. Someday I will go back and read those parts in more depth, but right now that wasn’t my goal. I wanted to read the stories and get an idea about the BIG PICTURE; not dive into the nook and crannies of how to properly sacrifice an unspotted lamb. To do this, I have had to trek on and continue reading where I left off, even it had been weeks since I read those parts. Amazingly enough, I’m about 270 pages in. I still have A LOT to go, but I’m in stride and through what most would say is the “first mile” of the Bible.

I’m going to finish, and finish strong. I don’t know when, but I know I will. And, I’m already seeing the fruits of my labor through the satisfaction of looking at the chunk I’m through; the dent I’ve made in such a large task. It feels good and I have more drive than I did in the beginning.  Now that is how to NOT FAIL.

Let’s do some work son!!!

--Scott Chopping Away at a VERY Large Tree--

--The Boys STILL Chopping--

--Totally Worth It...Injuries and All!--

Deceitful Division: Misss-Understanding the Black-White & Gray People

I had an interesting conversation today, one that really got me thinking about the meaning between black-white and the grayscale ways of thinking. Why is it that we are so often divided by silly differences in our thought processes, when our love and goal is the same? If we claim to be believers and followers of Christ, why do we let mis-understandings break our bonds and bring division to the Church?

I am definitely more of a black-white type person. I think logically and almost algebraically, as in 2+2=4 and by grace=we have been saved. That’s how I read, that’s how I develop processes, and how I think of things in terms of organization. When I am struggling with something, my solution is to completely remove it and provide a solution knowing the exact cause. I am not trained or built to think about the process, but to think about what I need to do to get the answer. This is who God made me.

Now when communicating with grayscale people, I can come across as aggressive and intimidating. Often grayscalers think about the process, and are comfortable without having the solution or exact schedule of what is going to happen, when it’s going to happen, and et cetera. They are more abstract, this is who God made them to be. This freaks me out, not knowing. This is uncomfortable for me. But for people who think in the gray, I make them uncomfortable. This is not a good division. There is no right “way” to think.

After years of trying to understand my faith and my role in loving Jesus, there is no clear cut answer. We have a final destination in terms of the Kingdom, but we also have a very unknown road to follow. We are given hints on how to love Jesus and people, but we aren’t given a formula for the exact right way to do it. We have to deal with the unknown process to get a result. There is room for both.

When it comes to being in relationship with people, Satan’s ultimate goal is to provide mis-understanding, mis-communication, and division. He wants to confuse the heck out of people, and ruin God given unity by getting us to focus on the wrong things. He uses an argument like smoking pot or having sex before you’re married to distract us from the root issues. People are easily deceived, and if he can show you or make you feel like someone doesn’t understand you because you “think” differently, he has accomplished his goal. He creates division through a vessel of good intentions. What if we learned to accept and embrace these differences in thinking, realizing we all have the ultimate goal of serving God? It’s his job to convict; it’s our job to serve. Now that is truth.

It is good to be surrounded and in community with people who think differently. Grayscaler’s level me, and I level them. It is a win win situation when you have this combination, because all parts of the body have a place to work together and flourish; but only if both sides refuse to be divided and work toward the common goal of loving God and loving people.

There are some things that can’t be compromised, but arguing between the process and the goal is useless at times. Both people need to be accepting and embracing both sides in order to be united. Think about how much division this has caused? Broken friendships, relationships, marriages; all because we don’t know how to communicate effectively and are stubborn and pridefully attached to “our” way or no way. It’s heartbreaking. We have a responsibility to accept people just as they are. We are no better just because we are different.

I am sorry if I have mis-communicated this to people in my life. That’s not who I am, even if it has appeared that way.

Spring: To proceed or originate from a specific source or cause

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, and hath not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

--Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Do you ever notice that good and bad stuff seem to happen in clumps? That when you are having a bad day, your friend is often having a bad day? When some giant blessing smacks you in the face, other people usually have awesome stuff happen to them too? I think there is something bigger behind this. This is not to say that this is always the case, but I think it’s a trend. I think when God is working on an individual level; he is also working on a corporate level.  Season by season.

As a lot of people can testify, the last year has been kind of hard. A season full of change, disaster, death, and suffering…on several different levels. This year has been traumatic, there have been many “events or situations that have caused great distress and disruption,” whether good or bad. Graduating college, deciding where to live, not knowing where I belong, all normal stages in life, but no one ever said they would be this confusing. Also, so much death, I am about to go to my third funeral this year, which is the fourth one in my lifetime. Even Michael Jackson died, and every other week it seems like some other celebrity has passed away from something other than old age. I don’t understand this, but I do know that it’s not just me who has had a difficult year.

The cool thing is, I think hardships are put into our lives to increase our capacity for suffering, loving, and enduring. In this, we become better friends and family members; we empathize more and actually allow ourselves to feel on every level. I seriously cannot watch two minutes of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition without tearing up. Even listening to the radio station and hearing some kind of praise report hits something deep inside of me that was more immune or numb before. I like it, I like it a lot.

It’s funny, because the goal of my life this last year was to really learn to give and receive “love.” There was one person in my life that I really cared about and had really hurt because I was incapable of loving. Because of this, I really felt like I needed to face some deep rooted fears. I needed to purge all those nasty selfish attitudes that kept me from being vulnerable and being the woman God designed me to be. Amazingly enough, my heart has been changed for quite some time, and due to those changes, I have been able to face life’s difficulties with confidence and stability. Not that my emotions haven’t gotten a little out of hand at times, but overall I know my motives are genuine in loving now because I remember what it was like when they weren’t.

If I hadn’t gone through stages of being selfish and disliking the things I did to people, I would have never learned what truly loving someone felt like. I wouldn’t be able to empathize, accept, and just truly care about people the way God has wanted me to. If I hadn’t gone through the suffering to reconcile, restore, and accept the things I couldn’t change, I wouldn’t be where I am at today in terms of an encourager and supporter for the people I love. My struggles have become a blessing for myself and other people in some round-about way. And it’s the same for people who encourage me in my walk; their battles and deliverance have spoken volumes into my life.

God puts special people into your life during these seasons of “wandering in the desert” and suffering, even if everything doesn’t make sense yet. We are all in this together…and soon enough we will be reaping the rewards of a GIANT HARVEST of Blessings. Until that day, let’s love and enjoy each day as it comes. What else are we supposed to do? Day by day, clump by clump, there are people who have felt what you feel and know where you’re at. With all this death, a lot of new life is bound to spring up….and it’s finally the beginning of SPRING...

How to Build Leaders, Not Just Motivate Them

 “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

--Ephesians 4:11-16

I have never been so excited about a church before. The last few months I have been going back to the church I grew up in, and am currently taking a course on the Apostolic Ministry/Church. Now the word “apostolic” can be mis-communicated. People could have immediate reactions to the word because it sounds a little bit weird or uber religious. But in all reality, apostolic means “to be sent.” It is not a creepy, cultish sounding religious word at all.

Church’s today typically have some kind of meaning that people associate it with. There are mega-churches, gospel churches, artsy churches, sinner churches, conservative churches, liberal churches, tele-evangelist churches…so many different options. But what about a church that focuses on the completeness and fullness of Christ in every dimension? What about a church that trains and equips “saints”/leaders to be effective members of society? What about a church that is genuinely motivated and is actually led based off of the solid foundation that only Christ alone offers? The idea of the Apostolic Church represents the fullness of Christ, and actually trains apostles “to be sent” into the world. Let me show you why this is important, through evaluating phases of church history in a nutshell.

Church history began around 100 AD when Augustine decided to put a name to the Church. This was right after Jesus and his apostles lived, and the Church became a type of catholic “organization” instead of lifestyle. In this, the first phase of church history was extremely focused on having the clergy as middle men to ones relationship with God. There was a huge emphasis on the Pastor and his authority. There was a “worship of the Priest,” one extreme focus.

Then, by around the 1400s, long after Constantine declared Christianity as the religion of the Roman Empire and the crusades occurred, the Reformation began. All of a sudden the emphasis was taken off of the Pastor, and put into the legitimacy of the word. There was an extreme focus on intellect, theology, and dissecting the “newly” printed Bible. John Calvin and Martin Luther were huge during these times, and denominations started forming within Christianity. There was a “worship of the word” through the use of teachers; another extreme focus.

By the 1700s, there was a “Great Awakening” in which the Missionary Tradition began. Evangelism, the Great Commission, zeal, and saving the world became the mission of ordinary people. A concern for the greater good of humanity was spreading like wild fire, and people were so excited about their role in bringing heaven to earth. But in this hunger and excitement, the word started to get mixed in with the culture and feelings started to manipulate the legitimacy of truth. People didn’t know how to grow past this. They didn’t know how to start and finish something because they were missing a solid foundation. There was a “worship of evangelism,” one extreme focus.

As we reach the 1900s, the Charismatic Tradition began. There was the Azusa Street Revival from 1906-1915, in which there was a huge outpouring of the holy spirit into the city and to women specifically. Spiritual gifts were emphasized, and speaking in tongues and inter-racial mingling characterized those years. As we move on, prophecy and it’s attributes in encouragement, exhortation, and edification were extremely prevalent. Tele-evangelists, mega-churches, and personality cults began to form. The events and the feelings involved were leading the Church. There was a “worship of the experience,” one extreme focus.

That brings us to today. Now according to the verses in Ephesians 4:11-16, there is a need for a five- fold ministry. “Some (are) to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers.” This creates fullness, and also provides accountability. I find it quite interesting that during each segment in history there was an extreme focus on ONE of the important attributes. But there was also NO focus on the others. For example, if you only exercise one muscle, your whole body will look out of proportion. How can we reach the fullness of Christ if we are only limiting him to one attribute?

The Apostolic Church takes the best attributes of the pastor, teacher, evangelist, and prophet to provide completeness. In this, by using all the “supporting ligaments,” we will “attain to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” because we will be lacking nothing. We will “no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming” BECAUSE we have accountability from the five-fold ministry. And when we reach this, we can “be sent” into the world as apostles, instead of men and women trying to operate with one arm and one leg.

We need each other and a ministry that builds leaders, not just motivates them.

Fearful Substitution

"Hatred is best combined with Fear. Cowardice, alone of all the vices, is purely painful - horrible to anticipate, horrible to feel, horrible to remember; Hatred has it's pleasures. It is therefore often the COMPENSATION by which a frightened man reimburses himself for the miseries of Fear. The more he fears, the more he will hate."

--C.S. Lewis (Screwtape Letters)

Your Own Mix

YOU'RE REALLY SPECIAL! You really are! In all the world there's no one like you. Never has been. Never will be.

No one has your eyes, your nose, your hair, your hands, your voice, your smile. You're special!

No one anywhere has exactly your handwriting, exactly your finger-prints, exactly your tastes in food or music or TV. Since the beginning of time, there's been no one who laughs like you, no one who cries like you, no one who sees things just the way you do. You're special.

Look, you're the only one on this planet who's got your set of abilities. Sure there'll always be someone who's better at some of the things you're good at—but no one in the entire universe has your unique combination of talents and skills, dreams and feelings.

No one else through all eternity will ever look, talk, walk, think or do the way you do. You're special. You're rare. And like anything that's rare, you're valuable.

That's why you don't need to copy your friends. You can accept—yeah, you can celebrate—your differences! You can risk being yourself.

Hey, you're no ACCIDENT. God made you special for a very special purpose. He's got a job for you that no one else can do as well. Out of all the billions of applicants, only one is qualified. Only one has what it takes.

That one is YOU...because you're special!

--John Cooney--

Not by Chance

How is it that God somehow never ceases to amaze me as far as coincidences? Really...He is not random. Even when I expect Him to be completely done, He reminds and confirms. He is quite amazing....Insane. But love it.

Removing Noise...We Were Meant for SO Much More

Removing noise from my everyday life has been the most refreshing thing I have done recently. I have been purging all unnecessary things; anything from pointless television shows to environments that I know don’t contribute to my growth. I have lightened my load of commitments and have, for once in my life, tried NOT to do everything. I dropped a few classes, have been getting rid of clothes, and am even trying to be more cautious about what I am spending money on. I have been craving and finding simplicity and freedom in living in a world with less distractions.

What I have noticed…

• Removing distractions leaves room for love to infiltrate. In making my life simpler, I have less to think about and feel more open to loving and being present with people.

• Opportunities to love seem to pop up more often. People from all different walks of life, homeless, handicapped, whatever have been coming up to me. I love it, I want to serve and give joy to these people. And in this, I find joy myself, all due to God allowing my cup to overflow and attract.

• Obedience is joy. By doing what my Father is nudging me to do, I please Him. In this pleasure I find peace and contentment. Love NEVER fails.

• Everything is more beautiful. I have the time to meditate on my surroundings and be thankful for all God has given me. Why would I want a life that I am too busy to enjoy?

• I can hear. I can listen, discern, and be content in my surroundings right here right now. Removing the clutter helps fight an unhealthy thought life.

• My room is cleaner. It is easier to stay on top of responsibilities and break simple things down into manageable tasks. I think when we are so overwhelmed with ridiculous amounts of stuff we categorize everything as one giant problem and are unable to delegate and divide truth from error. Everything is clearer in simplicity.

• It’s easier to start and finish something. When you don’t have twenty billion lose ends hanging around you actually feel the joy of accomplishment. I love projects.

• I am not stumbling over the same road blocks. I am progressing, moving on to solid food and actually giving my faith the freedom to breathe. How can we ever grow if we keep falling into the same holes?

• Priorities change. Life becomes more than just mundane, and every day becomes a treasure hunt. There are more “coincidences” and you are able to recognize and feel for things and people that you were once numb to.

Overall, the “joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). Life’s circumstances may be less than ideal from what I would have planned for myself currently, but that’s not really something I need to worry about. There is a season for everything. I have a roof over my head, food, clothing, a wonderful family, and an abundance of goodness in my life. What more could I ask for? He knows the deepest desires of my heart, He got the memo, and nothing pleases Him more than my satisfaction. But in that, I must seek only Him to satisfy. It’s a two way street.

Obedience in Worship…Let's be Silly!

The LORD directs the steps of the godly.

He delights in every detail of their lives.

Though they stumble, they will never fall,

for the LORD holds them by the hand.

-Psalm 37: 23-24-

Growing up in church I never wanted to be the person who was “noticeable” in the crowd. Often in worship and praise I would be concerned about my voice, and when I felt a nudging to raise my hands to the glory of God I would convince myself not to. I would second guess myself and was always afraid that people would look at me like I was a hypocrite and unworthy of “appearing” holy. I never wanted people to think I was doing it for show, often a thought that crosses many of our minds. I was so afraid about what people would think that I couldn’t truly enjoy worship.

Now, isn’t it amazing how so many people and circumstances seem to shape a person? How people, within their own heads, decide what they should and shouldn’t do based off of what someone else thinks about them. I mean, there are such things as social skills, but deciding on whether or not to wear the red or green shirt based on what Jimmy Sue would think is ridiculous. Sadly, most of us have probably done this before. By letting someone else’s opinion shape our decisions, we decide that our value comes from our appearance, speech, or the impression we leave on people. We are not taught to be ourselves, we are taught to be what someone else wants us to be. We don’t need other people to label us as an object if we have already done that to ourselves; a self fulfilling prophesy. This form of slavery is not part of God’s design for our lives.

Did you know He knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139: 13)?

That He has numbered every hair on your head (Matthew 10:30)?

That He would leave ALL 99 of His sheep to find you (Luke 15:4)?

He loves you. Not someone else’s version of you, but you. He DELIGHTS in EVERY detail.

All He wants is you, your whole heart and not the pieces you decide to share or reveal. He doesn’t want you to hide yourself from this world because He made you exactly the way you are, and for His purposes alone. How do you expect to fulfill His plan for your life if you are so focused on what other people think and don’t utilize the gifts He gave you? It is technically sinful not to love yourself or view yourself as loved because He made you perfect in his sight. You are His Bride, washed white as snow from the crimson stains of a fallen world. By not respecting yourself enough to be yourself, you are letting Him down and not fulfilling your function/role as part of the body.

We need to focus our obedience on loving and serving Him, not this world. And, as an overflow of doing this, we tend to serve the world with His love and strength. We kill two birds with one stone. This all has to do with worship because God will often use simple acts of obedience to get your attention. When He says get your butt up to the altar and praise me in front of the whole congregation no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, you should do it. Stop worrying about what other people think and focus on Him. Don’t second guess your motivations if you know they’re true. Stare Him straight in the eyes and give Him your undivided full attention, as if you have been reunited with a long lost love. Let Him be the only one in the room. You will see the love in His eyes and then you shall know true joy.

The only reason I write this stuff is because I have deeply struggled with these issues. I have lived my life for other things and people, without fully taking a firm grip to the hand of my Father. I have been running a zigzag race because I keep looking back at the people and things behind me, not keeping my eyes fixed on Him. But now, I am beginning to learn the greatness of focusing on Him, allowing Him to be my EVERYTHING. Because of this, I have noticed a change in my prayer life and inward joy. Zeal should be my new middle name. Overall, I am being exactly who He designed me to be. I am being me, and am finding complete, relentless satisfaction in little acts of obedience like raising my hands and praising Him at His lead.

Once you take the step, get your butt up to the altar, raise your hands and shout His name for all to hear, then you will know completeness. Let’s pull a David and bust out some “mighty” dance moves to consummate our joy and excitement for Him (2 Samuel 6:14). Now that is COMPLETE submission.

How will you ever know true love and freedom if you don't let yourself be different and SILLY for His namesake?

Give Thanks-Marvin Sapp Gospel Style

Sometimes it rains in the midst of your parade

and the hard times come after you've had a great day

for with every test there's a time and a season

and with every trial there is reason

sometimes you're hurting there's a pain deep within

seems like the more you pray, that thing just wont will never end

just have patience

when you're weak say i'm strong

but this is a part of life's journey

keep the faith and prayer's on

in everything give thanks

lift your hands and give thanks

for everything's working out for your good

Even when things dont look like they should

in everything give thanks

lift your hands and give thanks
for if you will..

Sometimes it's hard and your ways seem dim

just keep on pressing on put your trust in the Him

Learn to lay your side every weight it's on

he's there beside you, for in time he will come forth for he is gonna bless you

in everything give thanks

lift your hands and give thanks

for everything's working out for your good

Even when things dont look like they should

in everything give thanks

for the lord he's good

he's kind.. he's good

and his mercy is good forever

he's kind

GIVE THANKS

http://s0.ilike.com/play#Marvin+Sapp:Give+Thanks:6294983:m9426935

I Heart C.S. Lewis

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Your Legacy...What will you leave behind?

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality”(Romans 12: 9-13).

I have been to three funerals in my life, two of which were within the last year. One was for a 15 year old kid who died in a car accident with his older brother at the wheel, and the other, last night for an outstanding Pastor named Ed Davis. This year has been full of tragedy and sorrow for our community.

Ed Davis was an incredible man. I got the privilege to work with him a little bit when the World Vision: Step into Africa exhibit came to CSU in the Fall of 2008. Although I didn’t know Ed very well, in the brief moments I worked with him I remember a man full of life and humor. He was on a mission and extremely gracious. With his push in getting the exhibit into town, 300 children from the DRC got sponsored, and his shared vision of uniting the community was briefly achieved. This was the first time World Vision brought a Christian exhibit into a secular environment. People from all over the community waited hours to see the exhibit. Fort Collins is a very special place.

Now, going to a funeral is never an easy thing. There is so much pain and sorrow, and your empathy doesn’t even come close to the feelings that are felt by the family. Ed left his high school sweetheart of thirty some years, and three children who couldn’t have been much more than in their late twenties. His family is hurting right now, and there is nothing any of us can do to make the pain go away. They will be in all of our prayers. But boy did Ed leave quite a legacy to follow, both within his family and community.

The most consistent thing I heard about Ed was that he was an inviter. He was present and poured so much love into every person he met. His love was perfect, and he did not have a selfish bone in his body. When his children went up to speak, they said his top priorities were his family and God. He lived out this calling every single day, and gave everything of himself to love on people. His daughter even stated that her Dad’s love was so present that no unworthy man will ever be let into her life. She knows her value because her Dad acted out his love for her daily. What a memory to leave. What a gift to give to your children. The same was said about his relationship with his wife.

In the community, many people spoke of Ed’s zeal and joy for life. He was always asking about people’s families, jobs, work, etc. The difference between Ed and an ordinary man was that he actually cared. He took the time, focus, and energy to be present with everyone he came in contact with. He never got tired of doing good, and was up to every adventure in which he could be in relationship with people; even if it meant going to the DRC in the midst of a rebellion. He took advantage of life on a daily basis. Ed truly was an outstanding example as a father, husband, brother, pastor, and friend.

My hope in all of this is to recognize how valuable daily life is. How being present can change a person’s life and impact more people than you know. Vulnerability and giving everything of yourself to love a person is a good thing, even though society teaches you to live for yourself. People want to be loved, they want people to REALLY listen, and they want to know they are treasured. You can’t truly love someone without being vulnerable. They don’t exist without each other. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18).

I can only hope to be half the person that Ed was. He leaves some large shoes to fill, but I believe that we will harvest the seeds he has sown in this community; the prophetic words that were left behind after his death. It is our job to contribute to the well being of every individual we meet, and not just when it’s easy or convenient.  We are being called to love, one day at a time. We never know what day may be our last.

In our last days, let’s hear our master say, “well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!” (Matthew 25:21).

A Different Training Program...

"How did Jesus prepare to do wonderful works? Part of His training involved suffering. Christ was a man of sorrows. He was One who was acquainted with grief. Yet His suffering was the Father's means of acquainting Him with the actual feelings of mankind's need and pain. Because He suffered what we suffer, He is able to serve as a faithful high priest. If we yield to God's plan for Christ to be formed in us, God will take our sorrows to enlarge our hearts. Once we have been acquainted with grief, we then can be anointed with compassion to deliver others" (Francis Frangipane).

My Redeemer Lives...I L-O-V-E this song.....

Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
And who told the ocean you can only come this far?
And who showed the moon where to hide till evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

Well I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
All of creation testifies
This life within me cries

I know my Redeemer lives

Ye-e-eah
The very same God
That spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

Now I know, my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry

I-I-I know
My Redeemer
He lives
To take away my shame
And He lives
Forever I'll proclaim
That the payment for my sins
Was the precious life He gave
And now He's alive and
There's an empty
Grave!

And I know
My Redeemer lives
He lives
I know
My Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry

I-I-I know my Redeemer
I know
My Redeemer lives

http://popup.lala.com/popup/360569488119231800

I Got Tricked....

SO, I got legitimately deceived by something not of God. I had a very strange intense feeling just consume me for about 24 hours. It was regarding a future for my life that I am completely against. At first when I had this feeling, I felt like I just needed to submit. Like God wanted me to do something and just accept this complete plan for my life. But it wasn't in a gentle nudging; it was in a FULL FORCE you have no choice kind of way. I cannot explain to you how horrible this felt. I felt like my free will was completely taken away, and I would have to learn to accept this particular thing for the good of humanity. It was manipulative and made me feel bad about not wanting to do it. I want God so badly right now, and it played on the goodness of my hearts intentions. I was deceived, and an emotional wreck for 24 hours. I'm pretty strong, and to have something like this hit me was very shocking.

Satan uses good things to confuse you. He brings the spirit of confusion. Our God is not a forceful, impatient God. He will guide your heart into the right understanding. We as believers need to discern and test the spirits as they direct our hearts and minds. Literally, for the first time, I was heavily attacked by a spirit of deception in such a way that if I didn't have someone to guide me through this and recognize the spirits, I would be a wreck. Praise Jesus for truth and authority. I don't think I have ever experienced such an intense battle for my mind and heart before. It is so true that satan tries to attack the strong ones, and he uses below the belt methods to accomplish his goals. They're age old....

I just feel that because I am entering a new dimension of my spiritual walk, I am going to have to discern between MANY things. It's scary yet exhilarating. All the more reason to continually put on the armor of God....A battle may have been lost, but only to help me understand the straegy I need to win the war. I thank you Lord for continual protection and the spirit of truth instilled in my heart and mind. You saved me today.

The Wrecking Ball of Hopeless Devotion

Do ever just hit a point where you feel like a bulldozer just ran you over?  You realize that nothing in your life makes sense, and you have been missing the point for a LONG time.  Growth is never a fun process.  It feels like such a roller coaster ride, up and down and life either makes complete sense or no sense during the ride.  Sometimes, you get more information than you're comfortable with and can't even begin to process what you are beginning to wrap your mind around.  Tidbits are nice because they stay within your bubble of understanding and control, but wrecking balls force you to take a look at who you are and what you are doing with yousrself.  They SHATTER your insides and shake up everything you have ever known.  Literally, you walk away and are so rocked you can barely stand.

Life is so strange.  One day you start to think that you are getting somewhere, and then the next, you feel like you have been trying to run up a downward escalator.  After all of your work, understanding, everything...and you haven't moved.  The reason?  Maybe we aren't supposed to move quite yet. 

I am literally at awe with my life right now.  Nothing makes sense.  It is SO SO SO uncomfortable. I am waiting yet moving while I wait.  I can't explain it, but I am just trying to take each day as it comes.  I am learning more about myself, and literally tearing down thinking patterns and walls that have held me captive for years.  I feel like I am starting to take all of this new information and apply it.  I am learning to walk by faith in a blind manner.  I have no clue.  For the first time in a long time, I just don't know.  I can't deal with things like I used to.  I can't process things the same way.  There are no words to describe these feelings.  I know my identity in Christ, but I don't think I have been hopelessly devoted to him to the point of full satisfaction.  I want more, and to settle for less makes me feel like I am stuck wandering in the desert with no water.

I don't realize it, but good things start to distract me in a bad way at times.  School, work, friends...all good things in my life, but serve as relief from full devotion.  I can't explain what I am searching or waiting for, but I think it's a season totally focused on the Kingdom.  Not in getting myself wrapped up in ridiculous amounts of volunteer activity, but genuinely pursuing the character of Christ to the insane extreme.  An obsession, a one track mind.  No room for the weights of this world, I need to be hopelessly devoted. 

What does hopeless devotion look like?  I have no freaking clue.  But I do know that it starts with Him at his core.  The heart of Christ has knocked me down, now it's time to build me up.  "For he (I) am looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God" (Hebrews 11:10). 

This is not something I can rush or manufacture.  I can't do anything to speed up the process, the cement is still drying in my foundation.  And from there, it will take a lifetime to build this house and character of mine.  I can't try to move into this house before the roof is set, and I can't furnish it until the carpet is laid down.  The natural progression.  Slowly but surely....

Good Distractions...

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

-Author Unknown-

It was funny, today I was driving down the road and just thinking about some things in my life that have been constantly confusing. I was starting to give a little foothold to my mind in the defeat of my heart. It was by far not a huge low, but I could feel myself wanting to just give in for a moment of temporary familiarity and comfort. But then, in the midst of my confusion, I saw this beautiful sky with giant pillow-like clouds standing behind the mountains, all beautiful and radiantly displayed by the power of the sun. I just had to take a picture. I got totally distracted, like really really really distracted! It was like Stephen right before he was about to be stoned to death (well not that intense), but “full of the Holy Spirit, (he) looked up to Heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God” (Acts 7:55). As he was consumed and distracted from his immediate fate, I was given an immediate distraction from my thoughts.

Now some distractions can be good for me, and some can be bad. In everyday life we are distracted by laziness, thoughts, people, temptation, Facebook (I am so guilty). The list could go on for days. When people get distracted, they primarily go to a specific set of thoughts, the ones that are most prominent in their immediate circumstances. For example, if someone is struggling with depression, they may immediately start thinking about everything that has made them sad. Or if someone is really anxious about a job interview, they may start getting nervous and worrying about what questions they will be asked. People get distracted easily based on what is at the forefront of their minds. Today, I was distracted by the good. I was literally pulled out of my own mind into the awe of our Almighty Creator! It got me excited, because usually I am distracted by the meaningless bad things.

I love witnessing change. I love fixing things and providing encouragement for the Kingdom (I am definitely not even close to perfect in doing this…but I am humbly attempting to learn). I love seeing change in myself, other people, my family, communities, and etc. It brings me satisfaction and joy. The whole thought and act of repentance, completely turning away from something old in order to fully embrace something new. This is miraculous, like taking life out of death. Today, I witnessed an actual change in my way of thinking. It got me really excited. I want Jesus to always be my distraction.

Now, God is awesome. If you believe he has the power to heal, change, and deliver, keep believing. Rome was not built in a day and you will shortly see the fruits of your dedication and commitment to righteousness. And on that note, I am not saying that acts are the only way to reach the Kingdom thinking mindset, because faith is what gives you the motivation to continue acting. They are mutually exclusive; one cannot survive without the other.

If we want to be distracted by the good things, let us be consumed and delight in Jesus. “Oh, how I love your law! I mediate on it all day long” (Psalm 119:97).

Tis be true....

To trust in spite of the look of being forsaken; to keep crying out into the vast, whence comes no returning voice, and where seems no hearing; to see the machinery of the world pauselessly grinding on as if self-moved, caring for no life, nor shifting a hair-breadth for all entreaty, and yet believe that God is awake and utterly loving; to desire nothing but what comes meant for us from His hand; to wait patiently, ready to die of hunger, fearing only lest faith should fail--such is the victory that overcometh the world, such is faith indeed. --George MacDonald

My Breaking Point—Satan You Suck and I’m Done with You

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised….But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved”

--Hebrews 10: 35-39--

This past year has been one of the most challenging years of my life. I haven’t felt at home anywhere and have been constantly fighting to keep my head above water. Happiness has only come in short spurts and I have been churning in a sea of constant disappointment. Literally, I have probably cried myself to sleep 180+ days this past year, and have done everything I know how to do to find happiness and distract myself, just hoping it will pass. I am not prone to depression and for my family and friends to see me out of my element has made me feel like I am absolutely crazy. Satan has used broken relationships, death, insensitivity, injuries, temptation, rejection and every deceptive trick he knows to bring me down this past year. He has aggressively attacked my weaknesses, hoping I would flee from the righteous path and take hold of the temporary relief and comfort he deceptively offers. He has wanted to harden my heart and push me to the point of numbness and apathy. Literally, in 2009, his attacks have been EXTREME, more than vicious, and he has been warring for my ultimate defeat.

I hit my ultimate breaking point a few weeks ago. So broken, so empty, just begging God for relief because I have NOTHING without Him. I literally felt like a weak little blob who was only breathing because that was all I was capable of doing. I was amazed that my tear ducts had anything left in them. I wanted to go crawl under a rock and never wake up because I was tired of simply “surviving.” I couldn’t distract myself from this either…I was in a season- ending skiing accident and could barely move for at least a week and a half. You don’t think about how much you can’t do when you’re a gimp. I had a lot of time for my mind to eat away at me.

Recently, I read a book called The Three Battlegrounds by Francis Frangipane, a book that deeply discusses how Satan chooses the mind, church, and heavenly places to wage war.  My Mom went out and bought me the book when I hit my breaking point. We were having a conversation when I started bawling, being defeated by my emotions once again to the point where I felt like I could not control anything. While trying to form a sentence in the midst of my tears, I told my Mom that I felt crazy and was so worn out. She pretty much told me to step it up and stop allowing myself to be attacked. I needed to be in the offensive position, not just playing defensively and merely surviving. Satan has been VERY aggressive and I was not supposed to just stomach it. I needed to fight back and attack, a refreshing concept that definitely resonated.

From there, I had two options. I could choose to listen to the lies and deceptive feelings Satan continually uses to seduce me, or I could stand up and fight for the freedom I have been promised. I have been doing the latter of the two and let me tell you, it is still exhausting and uncomfortable. I have to constantly die to myself. All of my thoughts must be held captive, but out of this, my prayer life is reaching a new level of intensity. My pursuit of righteousness feels almost unceasing at this point. It is a thrill, but also scary. At moments I get overwhelmed, but I’m getting stronger. I am recognizing the power that lives within me through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. I may not win every battle, but I am confidently winning the war. This spiritual warfare thing is not fun, and too many things have happened to me and the people I love within the last year to let it continue taking reign. I have taken grasp of my authority over these demonic spirits and am literally fighting to the death, of both me and them. Casting them out sounds kind of crazy if you are not familiar with the Bible and Jesus’ ministry, but it's actually VERY empowering. By leaning on the ultimate authority in the name of Jesus Christ, those demons must leave for even they know Christ by name. The prince of this world is not going to win for I have gotten to the point where “I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong “(2 Corinthians 12:10). My joy is emerging out of less than ideal circumstances and I am standing strong with a passion that is being renewed daily. There is intense purity in all of my pain and beauty in my brokenness, both very strange feelings.

At the beginning it wasn’t the easiest, and there are definitely days when I don’t “feel” as strong, but overall, unhealthy strongholds in my life are being broken. It’s almost like Lazarus ripping off his grave clothes after coming back to life, or Forrest Gump breaking free of his leg braces and being able to run in full stride. As Hebrews 12:12-14 says, “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” Full relief is not completely here yet, but I know it will be soon. I’m aggressively fighting back and breaking barriers that have held me captive and cannot wait to see what God does with me this next year. Finally, I am REALLY choosing to rejoice in my suffering and taking to heart that “if God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

There is a season for everything, and Satan is not taking me down! He aggressively attacks the strong ones out of fear that his own goals will not be accomplished. I am done tolerating his lies. Let us put on the armor of God: the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, sandals of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, God's word.